I woke up this morning and didn’t have to go to work.
That’s not to say I’m not working today, but I didn’t have to get up and go to my job. And it’s not just for today. Starting today, this will be every day.
I’m still trying to wrap my head around this new chapter. Today feels like a vacation day, a day set aside for some house projects while the kids are at school. I have to keep reminding myself that I’m not going back to work tomorrow, or in a week, or in several months. I am now a part-time-work-from-home-mom. I need to let that sink in.
I’ve been experiencing so many emotions about this new chapter since making the decision to leave my job in October.
Not relief to be leaving my job, but relief that we had finally made the decision. After talking about it off and on for over three years, it felt incredible to finally be taking action!
I’m still feeling this today. I am so excited to be doing something new, to be working with my husband, to have more time with my kids, and to be holding on to the hope that Evan and I are moving to a place where we can better live up to our potential! It’s exhilarating to think about the possibilities the lie ahead for us.
I had been at the same job for ten years. That’s a really long time. My job and my coworkers were the backdrop to all of the major events of my adult life: master’s degree, engagement, marriage, two children. In many ways, my coworkers were my family (most weeks I spent more time with them than my actual family), and leaving them has been a huge loss for me.
I would be lying if I said that I wasn’t scared, that I didn’t have moments when I’m alone in my car and think “Oh crap, what did we just do? We just made the biggest mistake of our lives.” And then I have to take some deep breaths and remind myself that it’s ok to be scared, change is scary, and there is value in acknowledging my fears:
- Are we going to make enough money to sustain our family of four without completely draining our savings? What if we do drain our savings and can’t increase our earnings?
- How are we going to cut back our expenses and live a more budget-conscious life? How can I break old spending habits and live within my new means?
- What are my kids going to think of my new role? Am I setting a poor example for them by not continuing to build my independent career?
- What are my “working-mom” friends going to think of me? Am I still in their club?
- How is this change going to affect my relationship with my husband (see Evan’s post Who’s the Boss).
Fear can be overwhelming. If I linger for too long on any of the above topics I can feel myself being consumed by my fear. So I’m learning to shake those feelings, like literally shake them off, and move back to the excitement and optimism that I’m also holding. The truth is that these are real fears, and we don’t have all the answers. We’re believing in ourselves and figuring it out as we go, and for right now, that’s good enough.
We’re also collecting suggestions, ideas, and words of wisdom, so if you have any of those, please send them our way!